A guide to the REAL PROGRAMMER

A guide to the REAL PROGRAMMER!

Real Programmer

Introduction

Languages

Structured programming

LANGUAGES

The easiest way to tell a Real Programmer from the crowd is by the programming language he (or she) uses, Real Programmers use FORTRAN. Quiche Eaters use PASCAL. Nicklaus Wirth, the designer of PASCAL, gave a talk once at which he was asked "How do you pronounce your name?". He replied, "You can call me by name, pronouncing it 'Virt', or call be by value, 'Worth'." One can tell immediately from this comment that Nicklaus Wirth is a Quiche Eater. The only parameter-passing mechanism endorsed by Real Programmers is call-by-value-return, as implemented in the IBM/370 FORTRAN-G and like compilers. Real programmers don't need all these abstract concepts to get their jobs done; they are perfectly happy with a keypunch, a FORTRAN IV compiler, and a beer.

Real Programmers do List Processing in FORTRAN
Real Programmers do string manipulation in FORTRAN.
Real Programmers do accounting (if they do it at all) in FORTRAN.
Real Programmers do Artificial Intelligence programs in FORTRAN.

Special cases of arrays and can be treated that way just as easily without messing up your programming language with all sorts of complications. The worst thing about fancy data types is that you have to declare them, and Real Programming Languages, as we all know, have implicit typing based on the first letter of the (six character) variable name.

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